you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
