when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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