I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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