I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
