I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
