you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
