WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
