This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
