He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
