She's JV to your varsity
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
