im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
