I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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