i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
