Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
