my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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