"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
