Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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