tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
