Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize