We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
