I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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