I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
God, I missed his penis.
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