I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
