At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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