if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
