you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
