Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
