We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
