I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
