Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
