i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
