Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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