dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
