I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize