The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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