when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
