I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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