I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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