Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize