so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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