Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
