I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
