She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
