It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
