I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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