so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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