Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
