is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
