i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
