i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
