I need help removing her.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
