she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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