Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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