I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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