I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize