oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
