you would pick up someone in the library
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
