dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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