mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
