My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
