I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
