obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
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