even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
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