you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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