In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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