Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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