After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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