He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
