3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
