It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
