sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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