Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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