I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
