not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
