my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
