So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
